The New Me – How motherhood affects our identity
Adjustment, adjustment, adjustment. Until you find yourself asking “Who am I after all? Who’s this new me?”.
When we become mothers, we are forced to press an imaginary reset button. In order to adjust ourselves to a different role and different life.
Time wise, we end up finding out that we actually are able to fit more things in our day. But we may also start feeling that we have less (or no) time for ourselves, for our partner, for our friends, for working out, for leisure activities…
A few of us may even joke by saying “me time? What is that?”
The truth is that our perception of time is greatly affected and on the long run it will have a strong impact on us.
Also, our perception of space needs adjustment. Which in my point of view is greatly linked to time. Again, we press the reset button and redesign our perception of space. The physical and the emotional space.
We let that great new love of ours enter our life. It fills up our heart, our mind, our room and, many times, our bed. The bed that used to be ours – together with our partner - space. This has a great impact on the couples’ intimacy.
So, everything starts revolving about the baby. That “cheeky little intruder” that brings us so much joy and happiness. As such, we don’t really mind making space for them. After all, they become the reason why you wake up every day… literally. (And don’t let me get even started on sleep deprivation adjustment!)
Nevertheless, our personal space bubble suffers. At some point, we find that we can’t even find ourselves alone in the bathroom!
And the simple fact that our body is now different. We used to be pregnant and suddenly our body is not what it used to be. This may affect the awareness of our body in the physical space – the way we position ourselves, our balance, the way we walk may all change. Another adjustment.
And, finally, values. Our perception of what is mostly important to live by, they act as the code of our behavior.
Raising a child makes us challenge the way we see the world and how we want to bring this child up. So, we may find priorities changing and values colliding.
Dwelling on decisions we didn’t have to before, such as “should I work? Should I take a career break? Should I work part-time?” - whatever, - and I reinforce – WHATEVER we decide… ends up in feelings of guilt.
What have been your hardest adjustments as a mother?
Eva uses her experience and academic knowledge in Psychology, Human Resources, Coaching and Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) to coach her international clients through both personal & professional transitions, helping them figuring out what's next.
Her mission is to be the catalyst for her clients' change, for their personal development, while building their confidence and improving their self-awareness.
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